I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
