Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Im part way to drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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