She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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