There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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