I'm going to jail i love you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to make out with him forever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
