No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
