That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
false alarm. still invincible.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
