I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
