You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
