i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was born a porn star she said
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
