you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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