I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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