I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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