I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
