he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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