TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
