I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
