Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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