THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
