When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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