Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
