i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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