Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
