We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I won the penis lottery.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
