u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
