You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
