Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
