Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dignity is for republicans.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
