i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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