in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
