next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
