i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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