Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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