We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
