Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
