I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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