I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
