What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize