oh god the rape fog is back!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
