Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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