Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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