My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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