We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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