There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
