9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I AM VODKA MAN
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
