Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
