@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
