I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
