Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
