Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she woke up with a sticky ear
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
