96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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