There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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