I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
