taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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