Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
