two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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