They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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