I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
