I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
