he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
