when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
