'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
