they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
