.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize