I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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