At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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