It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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