I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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