Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
