Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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