is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
