I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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