i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
